I have so much to say, but I can’t find any of the right words.

and even if i did have the words, they would only be heard by closed ears.

The world we live in is full of expectaions and constant judgment.

Your friends tell you how to act.

Your significant other tells you how to act.

Your parents tell you how to act.

Your teachers tell you how to act.

Society tells us how to act.

What if you don’t want to act? What if you just want to be you?

How is anyone suppose to have a personality of their own and be themselves when who they are is constantly being dictated and warped by others all the time every day?

I don’t want it to be like this anymore; I don’t want to be what everyone else wants me to be.

What is the alternative though? Being alone.

So I either have to be someone else, the person everyone wants me to be, which is someone different depending on who I am with or where I am at, or I have to be alone, but if I’m alone, what’s the point of even being me, I mean who’s going to know or care?

I feel lost. I just want to be me. Sometimes I can’t even remember who that is with all of the constant pressures to be someone else..

I am thankful for living.

I am thankful for this life I am living, and the people I am living it with.

I am thankful for my family, even when they drive me completely crazy; I would not be who I am without them.

I am thankful for you and me; I am thankful for us.

I am thankful for them; I would be completely lost without them by my side always.

I am thankful for the fact that no matter how far away we might be from them, they are still there as if there was no distance at all between; they are much more than friends.

I am thankful for my dogs; their love is unconditional, and I miss them right now; I know they would keep me warm.

I am thankful for blessings; they are all around me.

I am thankful for the mistakes I have made; they remind me I am human.

I am thankful for the mistakes that I will make; they remind me I am not all knowing, even when I’d like to believe I am.

I am thankful for the feast I had today and the people I had it with; I know there are many who did not experience the same today.

I am thankful for the beauty I am able to hear, touch, feel, see, learn, and believe in with every breath, every blink, every tear, every smile, every uncontrollable laugh and giggle, with every step I take, hand I hold, hug I give and receive, love I feel..

I am thankful for who we all our; it makes life interesting.

I am thankful for him; I am thankful for you; I am thankful for me; I am thankful for them; I am thankful for us; I am thankful for it all.

I am thankful that I have blessings to count, and that you are all one of them.

Count your blessings, you might see just how lucky we all our.

I will never be able to finish counting…

Happy Thanksgiving.

“A letter always feels to me like immortality because it is the mind alone without corporeal friend” - Emily Dickinson

I wish people still wrote letters, with actual pen and paper. Just imagine. Yeah, it would take longer to get the message, but I am sure as a result we would all take more time to think about what we are saying and who we are saying it to. And waiting for a letter in return, I feel like that would be exciting! Reading Dickinson’s letters made me so envious of past times. I would not mind trading the texts and the instant messages for a letter in which every word was thought out & strategically placed; it would just make it so much more meaningful knowing that  the time was taken. Rather than waste our words in an eagerness to get them out and over with, lets make them last by taking the time to fill each word with depth and substance.

I think that maybe this is who i am. I think maybe this is who I will always be. Who am i? Well I am not a hipster, I am not a gangster, I am not a gothic girl, I am not a rockstar, skater, surfer, tomboy, I am Hailey. I will always be Hailey, Hailey is me. I do not want to conform to a category or to the latest trend. The music I listen to, the books I read or listen to, or do not read, ha, the people I surround myself with, the clothes I wear, or even the length of my hair; these things do not define me. These things have been changing all of my life, how can they define me? I have been me all of my life, me. I am not a piece of clothing, music lyric, facebook post, or a tweet. Those are just things I like, things I do. Do u think what I do defines me, or who I am defines what I do? I think it’s not either of those, I think maybe its not what you’re doing but the way you’re doing it. I am doing it the Hailey way, I have been doing it that way all of my life. Very few people know what that means exactly. The ones who do though love me for that and I them. I was asked a question not too long, by someone rather important, I was asked how I think people view me, and how do I want them to view me. For the first time I actually was not sure what to say, and still do not. I have never really thought about that. My reply though was that exactly; I do not know. I have not thought about it, yes I care what people think of course, everyone does, but what they think, I really have no clue, ha. What I want them to think, I have no clue. I do know though that I am doing what I am doing, I am living, learning, loving, making mistakes, fixing those mistakes, growing, and having a fun life, I guess my thing is if you like what I am doing than join me, if you dont than well, dont join me. Simple as that. I have been hurt, and been to low places, and climbed back up again and again after being knocked down. I believe at the end of the day we all have problems, some problems are big to one person and small to another, i think we should never judge people by those problems, so how do u judge someone if cant judge them by clothes, facebook, twitter, or music? The answer is you dont. Dont judge them, know them, really know them, it takes more than a week or one movie date to really know someone, so take time, really get to know someone deep down to their core. Some people can be really magnificent in their core. See who they are when they think no one is looking, and you might be surprised, hopefully pleasantly. I’m not saying everyone is great at their core, but atleast you took the journey to find out, and is that a waste of time? I don’t believe so, its a learning curve and an experience. Chances are while you dug to their core you discovered something about your own core and roots. Yes we all get hurt, yes it hurts like hell, yes are walls get thicker as the hits get harder, but heres the thing, take down your walls, life is too short not to know, if you have your walls up you might miss it, you might miss those people, you know those people, those people who are just… right.

My point is you cannot live in fear, you cannot live waiting for the next pin to drop, you have to just live, arms wide open, walls down. You just have to because if you dont you’ll miss it, and time is flying, I mean I am now 20, and I dont know when that happened. I do know that I live the way I want to live, but most importantly I live, for I am the way I am, and I am happy, be you and all will be right, if you don’t know who you is yet, you’re there don’t worry, so find a good friend, maybe its a guy, girl, hell maybe its a loyal dog companion, whoever they are, dig to their root and maybe just maybe you’ll find a little piece of you. Let the world in. I’ve learned if you keep living for the good and stop dwelling on the bad than the world will open up its arms and show you what it really means to fly. I am Hailey and I am free bird, and this bird you cannot change.